Half way there

I have now been in Africa for over six months. This is the longest I’ve been away from the U.S. In my junior year of college I spent a semester in England studying abroad there. I have found that it’s one thing to study abroad; it’s a whole different ball game to live abroad. The countdown on the bad days until you go home is so much longer and harder to cope with. When everything is falling apart…as things do…you don’t have the support system you have at home. You truly are living alone and dealing with everything alone. I thought that after half a year away, things would get easier. The newness of living here wears away and I’m left with trying to stay positive and deal with every day things here. I miss having a hot shower that when I turn on the faucet I can just hop in and feel better. It is now winter time here in Namibia and it’s freezing in the mornings and evenings. Taking a bucket bath is getting harder and harder to do.

There are only so many times I can sit in my room and watch movies until I get restless and want to go somewhere. In the U.S. I would go out with my friends and catch a movie or go hang out and take a drive. I’m stuck in this village most of the time. Being far away from all of the other volunteers is not easy. Okay I’ve said enough about all of this.

Second semester teaching is interesting and I learned a lot from teaching the first semester. I know what my students are capable of now. The only problem is when I have an entire class who isn’t capable of eighth grade English and another that is fully capable. It’s hard to feel helpless as their teacher. I want them to do well but it seems impossible to get them to where I want them to be this year. I have a feeling most of the class will have to repeat eighth grade next year.

One thing that lifts my spirits every day is the little kids here. They are always excited to see me and wave at me smiling the whole time. Adjusting to life as a middle/high school teacher when I studied to be elementary is hard.

I feel as though lately it’s been hard for me to make a positive blog post which is why I’m not writing them anymore. I’m not ready to quit trying as some of my other colleagues in WorldTeach have done. Three of the original fourteen of us have gone home for their various reasons. I don’t judge them on leaving; this experience is far from easy. I think that everyone’s original thought when they come to volunteer is that they will be making a difference all the time. I know this not to be true. We are adjusting and learning every day way more than anyone else around us. We are the foreigners in this country and we are the ones who aren’t used to life here. People here are used to having nothing and living with that. The learners are used to the style of teaching that they have had their whole lives. When I walk into the classroom, everything is new to them. I don’t know how to have a whole class stare at me for 40 minutes while I lecture. This is not my teaching style or philosophy.

Another positive here is my dog Hunter. Last night when I was ready to break down and cry he had snuck into my room and was laying on my bed waiting for me. He is always so excited to see me and wags his tail like crazy. When all else fails, he is there to hang out with me and cheer me up. No wonder dogs are used in therapy. He is my personal African therapy when times get hard.

I’m ready for a change of pace in my life here. I started walking every night to the road and back for exercise. I need to find my passion for being here again. I haven’t lost it; I’ve just misplaced it somewhere along the way.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace and Love,

Chels